How many times have I heard (and caught myself saying this): ‘I *know* what I need to do...’ And then follows a list of the most valuable and correct things. I know I need to sleep more, eat better, not put things off, say ‘no,’ and take care of myself. I know that this person isn't right for me, but I should talk to them openly about it.
But why is knowing not the same as doing?
As a psychologist, I see this gap every day. Between the ‘head’ and the ‘hands.’ Between awareness and action. It's as if there is an invisible wall that prevents us from jumping from the world of ideas to the world of real actions.
So what is it?
1. Fear, fear, fear!
The first and most powerful emotion is fear. Fear of failure (‘What if I fail and become even more disappointed in myself?’). Fear of judgement (‘What will people think if I try and fail?’). And, paradoxically, fear of success! What if it works? Then life will change, and that's scary, because the familiar swamp, even if it is a swamp, is *familiar*. The brain prefers known pain to unknown happiness.
2. Inertia and false comfort.
Another reason is simple inertia and a false sense of comfort. To do something, you need energy. And to stay in place, you don't need energy. Our brain loves to save energy. In addition, in our familiar state (even if it's not the best), we feel ‘safe.’ Any change is a departure from our comfort zone, and that always means discomfort, even if it's temporary.
3. Internal blocks and old wounds.
And sometimes there are much deeper things behind this ‘doing nothing’ — old wounds, deeply ingrained beliefs. For example, you *know* that you deserve better in relationships, but an inner voice, once formed under the influence of traumatic experiences, whispers: ‘Who needs you? Just sit there and don't stick your neck out.’.
Or you *know* that you can do better at work, but the fear of being ‘not good enough’ paralyses you. It's not just ‘laziness’, it's invisible chains from the past.
4. Perfectionism and the idea of “grandiosity”.
We want to start ideally, right away, with a ‘clean slate’ and ‘forever’. If we quit smoking, it has to be today and forever! If we start running, it has to be 10 km right away. And if it doesn't turn out perfectly, we give up altogether. We forget that a small step is still a step. And that imperfect action is better than perfect inaction.
So what should we do? How do we move from ‘knowing’ to ‘doing’?
* Start with the smallest steps. Don't run a marathon, just put on your trainers and go out for 10 minutes. Don't change your entire diet; add one glass of water in the morning.
* Leave criticism aside. When you criticise yourself for ‘not doing anything,’ you only reinforce your inner blocks. Treat yourself with compassion. You are doing everything you can *right now*.
* Find your deep ‘why.’ Why do you *really* need this? How will it make you feel, and what value will it bring to your life? This ‘why’ will be your fuel.
* permit yourself to be imperfect. Mistakes are okay. Setbacks are part of the journey. The important thing is not to give up and keep going.
* Sometimes you need to touch those inner blocks. If you feel like there's an invisible wall that's too high, don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes you need someone else to help you shine a light on those ‘chains from the past.’
It's not about willpower, friends. It's about loving yourself, allowing yourself to be alive and make mistakes, and celebrating the small victories every day. You can start with what you can do right now and let that grow into something bigger.
Read my articles
https://stattya.com/depression-as-a-form-of-silent-protest-the-unspoken-cry-for-change-201
https://stattya.com/love-addiction-normal-or-abnormal-the-psychology-behind-falling-in-love-171
https://stattya.com/toxic-productivity-what-is-it-and-how-to-live-with-it-645
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